The ABCs of Character Names

It might seem like I'm talking about complex naming schemes that require simplification when I mention the ABCs of character names, but I'm actually being very literal here.

 If Mike loves Marni but Marni love Mark and Mark and Mike are best friends from their college days at Michigan...  Ugh, and there are another 98 pages to slog through?  It can quickly feel like this screenplay was brought to you by the letter M and we're trapped in an episode of Sesame Street.    God help you if you've got a character named Aunt Mary who shows up at the end of act one with molasses cookies and sage advice.  

I can hear it now... Aunt Mary's name starts with an A.  Really? You think Aunt Mary's friends, parents and co-workers all call her Aunt Mary?  I have actually had writers argue with me about this.  Imaging her lover, as he's about to climax, yells out with grunting passion, "Aunt Mary! I love you!"  If that picture didn't creep you out just a little, you've got bigger problems than the letter M.  

You also want to minimize confusion for the reader who might find it challenging to follow who is doing what to whom and why.  Remember, this reader has to write up a summary of your story for his or her boss.  If the synopsis looks like a primary school lesson, you're going to get ignored.  Part of your job is to make it easy for the reader to be a fan of your work.  Alliterative writing pulls the reader out of the story.  Is this supposed to be funny?  Is this for kids?  Is this a clue?  Then, when it fails to pay off, it reveals an inattention to detail.  That tiny assessment throws you and your script on the heap with the other amateurs.

Do yourself a favor.  When you start naming characters write out the alphabet twice on a piece of paper.  Above one set write: First name.  Above the other write, you guessed it: Last name.  As you use each letter, cross it off.  If you've got a story about a family, many of them will have the same last name, but the people who live next door or the principal should have different sounding names.

Make it easy for the reader to love you and your work!

Coverage is Forever

How long will a company hold onto the coverage for your script?  Forever.  Cue the orchestra, get Shirley Bassey, set it to music - Coverage Is Forever.  No kidding.

When your manager thinks it's a good idea to change the title of your screenplay and resubmit it to the agency as a clever way to get around that crappy reader who just didn't get you -- Stop.  Fire your manager.  He or she has not one clue as to how agencies manage the material that's sent to them.

That snot nosed reader who said your action flick put them to sleep will wind up getting your renamed script because they already have a sense of your style.  Guess who looks like the asshole when the reader reports back that this script is exactly the same as the last one, save one difference - the new title?  You will.  Not your manager.

Imagine a scenario where your manager requests a different reader.  It happens.  Or the original snot nosed kid isn't available (Spring break in Cabo, y'all).  Guess what happens now?  When the hand over the script to the new reader, they also include copies of previous coverage.

The point I'm trying to make is, it's not good enough to have family, friends or even fellow screenwriters (especially if they're not produced) do a read through of your latest and greatest.  You've got to get real insight.  This will almost assuredly result in notes that urge you to do a rewrite before going forward.  This will mean you have to go back to work before it gets sent off to CAA or WME... ICM should be ok once they work out their issues over there...

Paying someone a couple hundred bucks and taking an extra couple weeks to polish your script will be worth it in the end.  Because the weak drafts you turn in now will haunt you for the rest of your days, because...

(cue the orchestra)
...Coverage is Forever!